Christ

I’m thinking on it
I’m tripping on it
I’m tricking on it
Thinking on it
Tripping on it
Tricking on it

Smaller, smaller
Altar, altar

Altar, before the altar, our design to make us smaller, smaller
Built the state for the “author”, to build him taller
To Crush

Christ,
Made from stick and brim we made you for order, order
You’re nailed to a cross father, your honour, my proper
Unfit for slaughter

Christ,
I could have kept on winning, like a sinner to the minute just
Right
Should I have left it thinning? Or hit it ’till it’s missing?
Was I a slave to the trimmed limit or an edge for the system a precautionary allegiance are you secure in your shiftings what are
MINE

Christ,
What do you want from me?
Another song to sing?
Another wrong to bring in?
Christ
No holds barred I see
Scathing me relentlessly
Gunnin’ for a change to take me
Out

Mmph,
Think, trip, trick you’re a good liar but by far not the best
Let it be known, there is nothing else, I only miss the dead

Christ,
I left it sifting, it was poison in the rifting’s
Knife
Did I offer my submission? Had I bowed to the religion?
A mere murder of the mimic are you sound in your exhibit and your delusion of a victim have you tamed your resistance is your heresy independent on the birth of sacreligion scribing the inscription from the blood of your subjacents the marks and who have made him are deplorably heathen
Mmph

Christ,
What do you want from me?
Another song to sing?
Another wrong to bring in?
Christ
No holds barred I see
Scathing me relentlessly
Gunnin’ for a change to take me
Out

A mans strength is like a bullet – it’s all down to the number of them
But isolation does not ice-cement abuse
Utilisation of the minimisation is your own way out

And we can keep god dead and we can be godless
We will feel heaven sent and free we will be lawless
We will never again belong to a man – our emancipation is our solace

Worthless

I’m not worthless,
just worth less, than you
It’s something you never failed to remind
And you have gentle eyes
But I know a truth dressed as a lie is quiet but cannot hide

After is too late for you to realise, that you were lucky to have me
Too late to rub up chemistry
Like I’d wait at the gate
For your smile to find me

Did you think you could look at me like that?
Did you think you could ruin all I had
I – I – I don’t feel so bad

You’ve still got it out for me
You search for reasons to hurt on me
Like a ghost, stalking me
Preying

No I know I know I’m not worthless
Just worth less than you
You and him and your ex,
You told me so
It’s something you never failed to remind
And yeah you have gentle eyes
But I know I know a truth dressed as a lie is quiet but cannot hide

Cut me off from the rest of the world so that when you stepped out place
I wouldn’t notice
Like a tie around my eyes
But you couldn’t keep your loyalty in one place
And so you’d accuse me of the same

Did you think you could look at me like that?
Did you think you could ruin all I had
I, I, I don’t feel so bad

You’ve still got it out for me
You search for reasons to hurt on me
Like a ghost, stalking me
Preying

I’m not worthless
I’m just worth less
Among the shadows in the background
Where I can be overlooked without sympathy
Not worthless
Just worth less

Tainted

Carry the weight of the world on my shoulders
Carry the weight of the whole world on my shoulders,
Because I refuse to let any of it go
Find it hard to let things go

We were both so dedicated
To keep what we had from fading
Dedicated to the loving memory
But our love is tainted

Like a painting
Of sun and song we had created
Wouldn’t waste it,
Our illustration
But our love is tainted

Our hands are made for holding
Our hands are made for holding, not building
Hands too dirty to clean the canvas

But we were both so dedicated
To keep what we had from fading
Dedicated to the loving memory
Our love is tainted

Like a painting
Of sun and song we had created
Wouldn’t waste it,
Our illustration
But our love is tainted

But dedicated,
We were so dedicated
To keep the hearts from breaking
Keeping things in their places
Afraid of changes
So dedicated
But our love is tainted

The road we’re on is so unstable,
Our love is tainted
This road’s unstable,
Our love is tainted
Keep the hearts from breaking,
Never waste it, our creation,
Is tainted
Wish I could change it,
Our love is tainted

Heart

I found my soul within the burnt pages of an old book, or maybe it was while I slept

I realised my heart was never missing and kept in the protecting hands of my sister as I cried on the bathroom floor and missed her

I’ll find my mind

Where it was lost in the dogfights

Flashbacks to late nights

And purple skies

Where river meets fire

Bats

Sweaty bats gliding through an Autumn-Magic sunset, their kiwi-rat bodies glinting over the tips of dark and meaningless houses- unbothered and unspied, only by me and my tired eyes and sore arm.

They are numerous, scattered like pepper sprinkles, dotted over a sheet and I recall with a painful wince the detail – the ache in my hand holding that fountain pen so steadily, its slim knib slowly cutting and dragging at the droopy blobs of tar that never had time to harden.

Bats – gloopy and inky for me – I just wipe my hand over the page and distort the sky I spent so long to colour in purple.

I wish I could’ve done more, I wish I had known to try. And maybe that’s mankinds biggest flaw. Wondering why we were never given the answers to questions we forgot to ask

Full Body Madness

My veins, vibrate
To a sound I don’t create
Went to the doctor couldn’t take me further…
Full Body Madness
This is what happened

Maybe it’s cancer causing my psychosis
Slaving me up whether I do or don’t know it
Silhouettes screaming on bridges…
Full Body Madness
Most are distracted

{‘Ghost of Threes’ E-Guitar chords}

– MOMENTS that disturb the destruction
I’m anti-fire
Pro-burn

Incapable of loving anything that wasn’t chaotic
If it wasn’t sending me over the edge I couldn’t want it
Flicking the elastic band of suicide…
Full Body Madness
In Latin it’s practiced

I don’t know what I’m holding on to but I’m losing grip
The sensation that my spine will slip
“I don’t feel like I have a big brother anymore”
Ellie I don’t think you do either
My match is lit as she smells the ether

{Ghost of Threes}

– MOMENTS that disturb the destruction
I’m anti-fire
Pro-burn

THESE MELANCHOLIC VIOLINS HAVE BEEN SCREECHING EVER SINCE

– MOMENTS that disturb the destruction
I’m anti-fire
Pro-burn

THESE MELANCHOLIC VIOLINS HAVE BEEN SCREECHING EVER SINCE
{Ghost of Threes}
Psychotic // Narcotic // Dementia Praecox
Hydroponic // Symphonic // Catatonic // Melodic
Entropy // Catastrophe
Degeneracy // Cardinality
Blasphemy // Illegitimacy
Ox-Trinity // Extremity

Polycene, vx liquored, wet-defect

AND I REALLY WANT TO TASTE KEROSENE
AND I REALLY WANT TO BATHE IN CYANIDE
“Consent is tricky in a relationship”

My Nitric Rhetoric
{Ghost of Threes}
A psychotic, narcotic, dementia praecox
A hydroponic is symphonic is catatonic is melodic
The following degeneracy warped cardinality
The blasphemy resides in illegitimacy
My ox-trinity in its full powered extremity

Polycene, vx liquored, wet-defect

What’s the matter with my love
Mountain tip on my hair split
What’s the matter with my love
It’s in my head, in my head
What’s the matter with my love
Rubbing picric on my skin
What’s the matter with my love
Day goes black, night goes red
What’s the matter with my love
I know to run, don’t know why
What’s the matter with my love
Day goes black, lights go red
Soil goes black, sky goes red
Day goes black, lights go red

Coffins Full Of Blood

We tried to love everything and it all died anyway
We didn’t try to run but escaped anyway
Everything not saved was lost
Here we are, there we are, where we are

We tried to curl but we couldn’t bend that way
We didn’t try to curve but got moved that way
Everyone not loved was lost
Be they dead, are we dead, were we dead

Bodies stuck in the sky
Dream catcher
We’re stuck on the ground
Heart snapper

I think my sisters are dead
But my brothers are all good
We dug up all the graves
The coffins full of blood
We sprinted through the streets
We fractured through the forest
And on the highest ground
We watched the end of the world

We decided to run when the night turned red
We had decided to repent, but we were red
All of us woke, the only awake
They can’t get up, they won’t get up, they’re not one of us

We decided to search but we found nothing
We had decided to excurse, but nothing
All of it wasted, dissolving
Apocalypse, Apocalypse, Apocalypse

It’s a blood moon every night
Heart shaped
Our skin glows scarlet
Dream raped

I think my sisters are dead
But my brothers are all good
We dug up all the graves
The coffins full of blood
We sprinted through the streets
We fractured through the forest
And on the highest ground
We watched the end of the world

Everything curmbles as I walk I’ll never be here again
The world I delved into dissipates
The sacrifices I have made
Go to heaven with a smile on your face
I’ll be lost

We know it’s ending it’s ending we know it’s ending feel it ending, it’s ending
Just keep dancing keep dancing it’s ending we’re dancing it’s ending we’re dancing
World is ending and the world is on fire the world is ending trees on fire
It’s the end of the world

Snowdrop Angel

“…I don’t want to kill myself.”

I stood on the edge of Snowdrop Cliff. Everything was here. My past, my future, my body of now, my lifeline. Everything that has happened to me has covered the mountains in a snowy carpet which never leaves.

So far away from everything, this angel’s place… But I bring with me in my bones, all of the people I have loved. I feel their broken promises wearing me down.

It’s so hard. Life. I feel so many wars bruise my back, battles I fought against the people I love. If my heart could bleed. Words that haunt. Betrayals that split me from my spirit. So much loss. I could hold it here in my hand, pick up the snow, and out would shine a memory of mine. I could glimmer in it’s brilliance, my eyes prisms to it’s witness. But what is it worth?

This land of time and recollection all rolls with my soul. And my soul is a lonely soul. There are no intertwines or links, only sad ghosts of people who came and missed. And I have missed, too.

Looking over Snow city, far away, far beneath. Fairy lights in gingerbread houses, nobody about, the whispering of the snow lost to the gaps in the mountains. Over the city, over the snow, Arctic Lake cut through in the purest blue you will ever see, it’s thin scraping line mine in writing.

How can you leave if you truly love? If you wake up every morning in wonder and in awe? You can’t.

I do not want to fall from this cliff. I do not want to taint the snow red. Thinking of not wanting to but doing it makes me cry a little. The tears scrape my skin on their descent, drawing lines of blood. The lumpy head of the tear, and the lumpy head of the blood, both glide down my face. One feels like a kitten slit, the other like a warm raindrop.

And the people here are made of paper. The colder it gets, the deeper their edges cut and I can’t help but love and fear them.

Let me go in peace. Why do I have to relish in this place, I can feel the frost stiffen my thoughts and means of motion. Why can’t letting go be so much easier than this. Snowdrop Cliff is made for two people, not one. It’s as sad as I am to see that I have come alone tonight with nothing but loss in my life. I came back tonight aged with so many years. Years I did not need nor desire but have been aged with anyways. What is it worth?

I found my heart, gave it away, smashed it up and threw it out. Talk to me now of being weak.

Write me a new lullaby.

I can’t let you go.

But I can let myself go.

And don’t you know, I’ve lost so much in life, that everytime I lose myself, I find myself anew. No more.

“I don’t want to die” I cried. So, I covered my eyes, and let fall

Abandoner

When I left you, you were young

But now you’re older you’ll –

Know when to run, and when to love

(Careless laughter),

Probably end up, with a happy ever after

You’re now so wise, in disguise

And you won’t ever again be tricked. By. Lies

~

Feel your father at your side

Couldn’t be there again this time

Learn what I meant

Learn why I left

I can’t let. You. Stay. Young.

~

It wasn’t easy, letting you go

But you need to respect that

you’ll never know, my sorrow

(Dad’s disaster)

The harder you look, harder the answer

I gave you life, I gave you strife

Now repay me with with your future life

~

Feel your father at your side

Couldn’t be there again this time

Learn what I meant

Learn why I left

I can’t let. You Stay-

BURN

Shape life over a dozen times

Move right, only to,wards light –

Freedom kind and freedom wise

Be shy and be alight

Run faster than the night

Love harder than you fight

Stop. Asking. Why.

 

A Personal View On Death

Death to me, is quite beautiful.

Death is tying a ribbon into a bow and labelling the package ‘Completion.’ It is finally being able to look back on a life and understand the meaning of that life, the question that has boggled philosophers, some of the best thinkers, since life began. Death is an epiphany. It’s noticing the beauty, the impact, the brilliance of someone.

With death comes a treasuring, and albeit a sum of regret too, but we cling on to what we remember of a life only once it’s gone. Death is keeping those memories and always feeling some sort of emotion because of them. Happiness, anger, desperation… In its own dark way, Death will remind you of what’s most important in life, in the most obvious way it can – through expression. Emotion. Elements of life.

Death is endless love, perhaps frustrating in some circumstances, but endless nonetheless. When we lose someone we love, when their life is complete, our love for them becomes immortal, because life can no longer touch that love, it cannot ruin that love, there will be no fights to tear that love. That love is crystallised and therefore unbreakable.

With death comes a terrible feeling that one won’t experience until they’ve fallen victim to Death’s grip. A pain, a sick feeling that was always there, like cancer, just waiting to be exploited. Mourning, grief… Emotions that cause sickness, sickness of hearts, sickness of souls, emotions that will make make you puke up the backbone of your reality and leave you staring at the mess on the floor. Death gives birth to the second part of life, and much like in the first part of life, we are born kicking and screaming and scared and stupid, but we grow. We age. Death prepares us for how cruel both it and Life can be, and will be, and you will see a different world, a world where you will not take ease for granted…But a world where you will appreciate the softness of snow, the flexibility of young glass, the changing colour of the sky.