Pulling The Grey

This page is dedicated to the notes I make while writing. I have decided to share those little moments because their highlights illuminate what the fuck I’m talking about.

Viper Teeth

Viper teeth is ultimately about the dangers of alcoholism, The viper, and suckling its teat is a metaphor that represents how dangerous playing with the boundaries of alcoholism is, the snake representing addiction and abuse. 
However, as the short poem continues the addiction and allure becomes quite prominent and finishes on why; ‘Bleaches my heart.’ This quote is showcases why the reach through the peril to grab the bottle. It ‘bleaches my heart’ – makes me feel numb to my feelings that I don’t want to feel. 

Christ

Christ is tying two abusers in my life together (One Christ – the representation of religion and the other an anonymous person). Together, these two figures have exemplified nothing but control and ‘rules’ for me to follow that I eventually break off from.

I’m thinking on it
I’m tripping on it
I’m tricking on it
Thinking on it
Tripping on it
Tricking on it

Fascination with it (Think)
Destabilisation from it (Trip)
Mastering it (Trick)

Smaller, smaller
Altar, altar

Altar, before the altar, our design to make us smaller, smaller
Built the state for the “author”, to build him taller
To Crush

Here I am referencing many sociological and philosophical ‘wake ups’ in regards to religion. The concept that we as humans built God and built christianity only to enslave ourselves to it.

Christ,
Made from stick and brim we made you for order, order
You’re nailed to a cross father, your honour, my proper
Unfit for slaughter

Here, I am challenging what ‘Jesus’ is made of – as most modern forms of him are wooden remakes of crucifixes with him nailed onto them, and that’s all he is to me. And yet I am supposed to pray to this piece of oak tree? Lol imagine

Christ, (Low Passive Aggressive Drone)
I could have kept on winning, like a sinner to the minute just
Right (Had my intuition and connections not been interrupted by religious ‘guidelines’ and also by the anonymous subject forcible interference within my life, I would have been better off. Both of these tried to shape who I was and who I should be).
Should I have left it thinning? Or hit it ’till it’s missing? (This is in regards to my fading faith in both Religion and the relationship I shared with the anon, should I have escalated it’s erosion or sat and waited for the gap to wedge? Either way, it would end in their failure.)
Was I a slave to the trimmed limit or an edge for the system a precautionary allegiance are you secure in your shiftings what are
MINE (What am I in the game of life? This highlights my feelings of being nothing but a conduit or a catalyst – living and breathing off the reactions of others, as opposed to living for and because of myself.)

 

Christ,
What do you want from me?
Another song to sing?
Another wrong to bring in?
Christ
No holds barred I see
Scathing me relentlessly
Gunnin’ for a change to take me
Out

This is me talking to both figures of anguish and wondering why they treat me so terribly. What is the end product – if destiny and fate are real, as both teach they are but in different ways (we were made to be together forever // you were made by me and you should worship and pray to me as I will be your ultimate judgement) then what is the purpose of me suffering these two? 

Mmph,
Think, trip, trick you’re a good liar but by far not the best
Let it be known, there is nothing else, I only miss the dead

This is directly targeted at the anon, how I don’t miss him at all, even though he will try to tell me I do. The first line as an ego-punch to both figures as not being believable enough to successfully manipulate me – it is me putting myself above their falsities and saying “I see through you.”

Christ,
I left it sifting, it was poison in the rifting’s
Knife This is a direct response to ‘should I have left it thinning?’ The end was inevitable and my choice was to be patient and to be smart and collect all of my bearing in the process.
Did I offer my submission? Had I bowed to the religion? Did I set myself up to being allowed to be controlled?
A mere murder of the mimic play-dead, play hurt, play pain are you sound in your exhibit are you happy with your feeding lies and your delusion of a victim both religion and the anon have vouched and voiced that they are the ones in need of saving and yet they are the ones who want to ensure their rules are followed – they are not the victim to themselves – I am have you tamed your resistance have you accepted that you are not in control of others people’s lives and have you finally stopped trying to get them anyways is your heresy independent on the birth of sacreligion is your independent structure which is clearly in lacking depending on a guideline for you to follow? Will you only begin to question after the question has been asked? This is about me and learning to realise that I should be longer to trust scribing the inscription from the blood of your subjacents the marks and who have made him are deplorably heathen the abhorrent treatment of both figures to their ‘followers’
Mmph

Christ,
What do you want from me?
Another song to sing?
Another wrong to bring in?
Christ
No holds barred I see
Scathing me relentlessly
Gunnin’ for a change to take me
Out

A mans strength is like a bullet – it’s all down to the number of them
But isolation does not ice-cement abuse
Utilisation of the minimisation is your own way out

I relate a man to a bullet because both are lethal however both are flawed, and the less of them the more safe I have felt. However, being alone in the presence of one does not mean you are automatically safe just because you statistics of being harmed are lower. Minimisation is an art of deception that is using your reduction (as brought on by both domineering figures) and allowing them to believe they are right in their dehumanisation of you and their belittling you to the point where they don’t feel the need to constantly remind you or put you ‘in your place’ because as far as they are concerned, you know you belong there and you wont stray from that – is a method of manipulating the manipulators and can be used to your freedom. That’s what worked for me. Let them think they have control and that they don’t need to aggressively force it, that way their hands begin to ease up and you can slip out.

And we can keep god dead and we can be godless
We will feel heaven sent and free we will be lawless
We will never again belong to a man – our emancipation is our solace

This final section is about never letting anything or anyone dictate me ever again. I use ‘We’ because I know I am not alone in how I have been treated. ‘We can be godless’ refers to us being able to do anything we want – because in life, truthfully you can. You can do anything you want – fear of god’s judgement and punishment is only a fear and fear can be beaten and overthrown. Once it is you become limitless. (I still have morals I’m not going to murder anybody – but my point is that the chains don’t hold me back anymore and the shackles are broken. I can be whoever I want to be, with whoever I want to be, and only know can I see the true extent of how limited my life had been under their control).