Sinking Feeling

I hate my room
But I never leave it
I can’t hang up the flag but I decorate the walls with pictures of my friends because I can see the pride in them

I hate the town
My name has never escaped it
The walls that tell strangers I’m a faggot
I’ll never know who wrote it, or who knows it

Keep my head down
By, I, feeling of displacement
All in all, headlights on a rabbit
I can never move, I can never get out of it

It’s in my head now
Everything is rearranged around it
It’s tree sap sticky and elastic
It’s a virus – it’s a carrier, it’s a transit

It’s associated with my friends now
Likely the ones who wrote it
A carefully shoved knife in the back
From the people I trusted with it

I wonder who profited from it
Do they still get a surge each time I think about it
Are they happy about it

It’s a sinking feeling
Sinking back in
To the mud I had scraped clean
And the blood I had grated unseen
Since I was thirteen

Heart

I found my soul within the burnt pages of an old book, or maybe it was while I slept

I realised my heart was never missing and kept in the protecting hands of my sister as I cried and missed her

I’ll find my mind

Where it was lost in the dogfights

Flashbacks to late nights

And purple skies

Where river meets fire

Sweet Tralee

The soil’s as fresh as honey
The finches choir in the trees
Where the flowers grow
Oh the fuchsia that spring in Tralee

They buried a man with his dog
The son sang the widow a song
They’re crying for peace,
In fields of red and green
Oh, what happened in sweet Tralee?

The Irish still drink in Tralee
Their dogs all chained to the trees
There’s a cold in the breeze,
And the hounds they will freeze
Because the men want a drink in Tralee

The children are out grabbing thorns
They’d be safe to their mothers they swore
But they’re watching their das,
And it’s sure they will catch
The curse of the thirst those men bore

Their nails are soil-free
But the hands that serve us aren’t clean
The oaths are all fake,
It’s the money they take,
Agus na Gaeilge, abash by the sea

The Day He Died

To my left, I see low hanging clouds, pinched by an orange sky like the hills are on fire.

To my right, a dynamic bay, passively blue, with dockland bells ringing like church chimes as seagulls roam dully above.

Behind me the floor is sprinkled with glass like un-cut diamonds in sand and with doors shut so harshly that the wood shocked and splintered into frame.

I focus on the colony of seagulls swooping that bay, their soft faraway grace reminding me of a dule of doves I once witnessed swimming the air over a jagged graveyard – flurrying, folding and flickering like a slender woman’s fingers melodising a harp.

But the harp stings and the seagulls are shot to the ground.

I lower my gaze to the tarmac road decorated with fallen Autumn leaves gracing it like summertime freckles.

The steel barrier of the balcony suddenly vibrates into boneless fluidity. Stunned, I witness motionlessly it pulsate impossibly, bending wetly into itself, then stretching out to restrictive normality. I blankly watch this happen in front of me, absent of any explanation. I begin to feel a natural unease as I observe the strangeness, a threatening feeling, a caution of danger, an activation of reaction. My heart rate becomes seemingly emphatic, inescapably stressing attention to the anxiety poking through any previous sense of calm – fucking acupuncture to a balloon.

As the build up continues its ascension – my realisation that the barrier is without doubt, de-stricting itself, I reflexively shut my eyes and the darkness then trumps all. After a few moments of lull, I hesitantly stretch my arm to touch and pleasurably find I have gripped something immobile, perfectly horizontal. I relieve my sight which triggers a feeling of detoxification in me as my body ceases its native panic. With my arm still closed around the cold barrier I lift my view to the greatest phasm of wonder, weightless square of frigid pressure above, the sky – beautifully undeniable and powerfully inexhaustible. But blink by blink, I notice a slow discolouring right in its bare middle. A steam of breath escapes me as I deliberate against my sight with confusion – I blink faster – and there – a deepening chasm – a bruised purple fathoms, like internal damage or leakage – I rub my eyes in disbelief but through the resulting fuzz now behold a sincere gash slashing straight through the sky, its thick carmine stem dressed with buzz cut dashes branching off its mother carve like nerves to a spine.

I shuckle away in horror, cloaking my eyes from natures dislaw. In a desperate seek for comfort I cover my ears and gently hum to myself old lullabies, furiously willing myself to conceptualise love – continuity, life. It is there that I create a peace to find – within the knowledge of resourcefulness, the essence that life like energy is indestructible.

Blindly and turned away, I reach for the bar again over my back. I flimsily catch it with gratitude and allow my full weight to depend on it. Then I pet my hand along it, ensuring again its unit until I am satisfied that my sight is mad and senses rebelling, the ordinary not lithesome, the sky not wounded.

But when I open my eyes the sky is gushing, raining blood drops from its open trauma having mercilessly expanded as though a giant scalpel had gradually etched from hand to elbow, the hills flaring as a ravaging fire lashes their surface and roars to me as it, with intentions of a monster, consumes its way to me – the water of the bay high and rising and now a glistering scarlet, a burning pink under a seeping rose sky, Ravens above dropping from their panicked flight in one by ones

Attending the mixing chaos, I hope I am mad. I hope my lover remains alive in a world far from here. I hope my brothers survive. I hope that with what is left of them, they find what has been lost

 

Take It Slow

I get so tired

Soul ignites

Fingers get hot

Sound gets washed

Summer, time

Blonde divine

Chevrolet

Cruise this way

 

And

 

Take it slow,

Slow on me

You know you’ve got no moral line,

Swear you had it out for me,

Take it slow,

Slow on me

Carousel connives with time,

We have caught infinity,

So take it slow

 

And

 

Cool down

Cool right down

Hepehastus take the heat we share

Hammer on the anvil

 

Let me breathe

Taste my dreams

Light by step

Hydro wet

Gren,a,dine

Swift slip stream

Acura

Bashful star

 

Sugar lime,

Soaking thyme

Ease the rhyme, ease the rhyme

 

And

 

Take it slow,

Slow on me

You know you’ve got no moral line,

Swear you had it out for me,

Take it slow,

Slow on me

Carousel connives with time,

We have caught infinity,

So take it slow

 

Cool down

Cool right down

….

Electrolytes electrify,

By the Burmese ruby gline,

Delectable silver ring shine

Feel so young

Sweet and young

….

Summer came to testify,

Springs water and Autumns sky,

Fruited all the parched rhye

….

Take it slow

Coffins Full Of Blood

We tried to love everything and it all died anyway
We didn’t try to run but escaped anyway
Everything not saved was lost
Here we are, there we are, where we are

We tried to curl but we couldn’t bend that way
We didn’t try to curve but got moved that way
Everyone not loved was lost
Be they dead, are we dead, were we dead

Bodies stuck in the sky
Dream catcher
We’re stuck on the ground
Heart snapper

I think my sisters are dead
But my brothers are all good
We dug up all the graves
The coffins full of blood
We sprinted through the streets
We fractured through the forest
And on the highest ground
We watched the end of the world

We decided to run when the night turned red
We had decided to repent, but we were red
All of us woke, the only awake
They can’t get up, they won’t get up, they’re not one of us

We decided to search but we found nothing
We had decided to excurse, but nothing
All of it wasted, dissolving
Apocalypse, Apocalypse, Apocalypse

It’s a blood moon every night
Heart shaped
Our skin glows scarlet
Dream raped

I think my sisters are dead
But my brothers are all good
We dug up all the graves
The coffins full of blood
We sprinted through the streets
We fractured through the forest
And on the highest ground
We watched the end of the world

Everything curmbles as I walk I’ll never be here again
The world I delved into dissipates
The sacrifices I have made
Go to heaven with a smile on your face
I’ll be lost

We know it’s ending it’s ending we know it’s ending feel it ending, it’s ending
Just keep dancing keep dancing it’s ending we’re dancing it’s ending we’re dancing
World is ending and the world is on fire the world is ending trees on fire
It’s the end of the world