Leo Diarmuid Grey

Echo

June 29, 2018 Leo Diarmuid GreyLeave a comment

The crystals shake in their chambers

Vibrations from my voice

I don’t care if this cliff

Gives

Aurora Borealis

Is nowhere to be seen

She has lost her sight

And mind

Patterns don’t exist

If love cannot breathe

Our love against the cold

I couldn’t win alone

We found hands to hold

Reaching in the dark

Paper hearts

Playing with fire

It’s just one more day

Not a lifetime

My spirit watch it sing

As it whistles through past times

A summer bursting with colour

Skyscrapers and blue quays

Death had never been duller

Then night stretched from under
(Northern Lights Erupt)

(Echo comes into effect)

We found hands to hold

Reaching in the dark

Paper hearts

Playing with fire

Every star

Every wish

Only you

We’d found hands to hold

Holding through the dark

I couldn’t fight off the cold, alone

One set of footprints in the snow

Paper hearts

Playing with fire

Ice-Knife

June 25, 2018June 25, 2018 Leo Diarmuid GreyLeave a comment

Tip,
Carve,
Cleaver.
Ice Knife.
Foal Heart.
Wicked swipe.
You pulled out
A piece of glacier.
Ice Knife. You pushed
This piece into my chest
Kept it there until I froze.
Held it there I turned cold. You.
Then you left me on this white cliff.
How can hugs so warm, lips so wet, be ice.
Louder – Break
What I think.
More? Deeper
Into the drink.
You don’t love me.
Your afflcition
Brought me
To the most
Beautiful, most
Devastating place
I have ever been.
You are my Weapon
Of Choice.

Glaciers

June 4, 2018June 4, 2018 Leo Diarmuid GreyLeave a comment

*Peacefully paced, footsteps in snow*

…

*Cease*

“If I…”

…

“Let go?…”

…

“Let go…”

…

“If…”

…

“Why?…”

…

“Promised…”

…

*Holding back angry tears*

“Liar…”

…

“Why?…”

…

“Snow?”

…

“Blood?”

…

“Bleeding…”

…

“…Snow…”

…

“..Then why are you letting me go?”
“I don’t know what else to do.”

“So that’s it then? Just leave me because you’re confused?”
“I don’t want to hurt you anymore.”
“This is hurting me. This is the worst possible thing you could do to me?!”

“I’m sorry.”

“I love you.”
“…I love you too”

Snowdrop Angel

May 27, 2018July 10, 2018 Leo Diarmuid GreyLeave a comment

“…I don’t want to kill myself.”

I stood on the edge of Snowdrop Cliff. Everything was here. My past, my future, my body of now, my lifeline. Everything that has happened to me has covered the mountains in a snowy carpet which never leaves.

So far away from everything, this angel’s place… But I bring with me in my bones, all of the people I have loved. I feel their broken promises wearing me down.

It’s so hard. Life. I feel so many wars bruise my back, battles I fought against the people I love. If my heart could bleed. Words that haunt. Betrayals that split me from my spirit. So much loss. I could hold it here in my hand, pick up the snow, and out would shine a memory of mine. I could glimmer in it’s brilliance, my eyes prisms to it’s witness. But what is it worth?

This land of time and recollection all rolls with my soul. And my soul is a lonely soul. There are no intertwines or links, only sad ghosts of people who came and missed. And I have missed, too.

Looking over Snow city, far away, far beneath. Fairy lights in gingerbread houses, nobody about, the whispering of the snow lost to the gaps in the mountains. Over the city, over the snow, Arctic Lake cut through in the purest blue you will ever see, it’s thin scraping line mine in writing.

How can you leave if you truly love? If you wake up every morning in wonder and in awe? You can’t.

I do not want to fall from this cliff. I do not want to taint the snow red. Thinking of not wanting to but doing it makes me cry a little. The tears scrape my skin on their descent, drawing lines of blood. The lumpy head of the tear, and the lumpy head of the blood, both glide down my face. One feels like a kitten slit, the other like a warm raindrop.

And the people here are made of paper. The colder it gets, the deeper their edges cut and I can’t help but love and fear them.

Let me go in peace. Why do I have to relish in this place, I can feel the frost stiffen my thoughts and means of motion. Why can’t letting go be so much easier than this. Snowdrop Cliff is made for two people, not one. It’s as sad as I am to see that I have come alone tonight with nothing but loss in my life. I came back tonight aged with so many years. Years I did not need nor desire but have been aged with anyways. What is it worth?

I found my heart, gave it away, smashed it up and threw it out. Talk to me now of being weak.

Write me a new lullaby.

I can’t let you go.

But I can let myself go.

And don’t you know, I’ve lost so much in life, that everytime I lose myself, I find myself anew. No more.

“I don’t want to die” I cried. So, I covered my eyes, and let fall

Abandoner

April 28, 2018April 28, 2018 Leo Diarmuid GreyLeave a comment

When I left you, you were young

But now you’re older you’ll –

Know when to run, and when to love

(Careless laughter),

Probably end up, with a happy ever after

You’re now so wise, in disguise

And you won’t ever again be tricked. By. Lies

Feel your father at your side

Couldn’t be there again this time

Learn what I meant

Learn why I left

I can’t let. You. Stay. Young.

It wasn’t easy, letting you go

But you need to respect that

you’ll never know, my sorrow

(Dad’s disaster)

The harder you look, harder the answer

I gave you life, I gave you strife

Now repay me with with your future life

Feel your father at your side

Couldn’t be there again this time

Learn what I meant

Learn why I left

I can’t let. You Stay-

BURN

Shape life over a dozen times

Move right, only to,wards light –

Freedom kind and freedom wise

Be shy and be alight

Run faster than the night

Love harder than you fight

Stop. Asking. Why.

Back To You

March 12, 2018 Leo Diarmuid GreyLeave a comment

I’m older now, but I’m still wrong

I’m bolder now, I’ve still lost

Let me cry into midnight blue

I’ll find a way back to you

Find a way back to you

Find way back to you

Back, to, you

Step by, step once step back

Allow it in before you let it go

For its final time pretend it will be okay,

That it wont be gone alone

Step by, step once step back

It’s sorry you can’t see it anymore

Its given in to whats to be done

Pain took its life and it took you too

Stand by, stand tall stand up

Allow me in before you let me go

For his final time pretend he will be okay,

That he wont be gone alone

Stand up, stand tall stand strong

He’s sorry you can’t see him anymore

He’s given in to what he’s become

Pain took his life and it took yours too

And I’m falling, deeper than I’ve been before

And I’m sinking, lower than I’ve been before

Step by, step once, Step back

Falling down, deeper than I’ve been before

Stand by, stand tall, stand up

Sinking down, deeper than I’ve been before

Step by

Back to you

Step once

Back to you

Step back

Back to you

Stand by

Back to you

Stand tall

Back to you

Stand up

Back to you

Step Back

Back to you

Snowdrop Cliff

March 1, 2018March 5, 2018 Leo Diarmuid GreyLeave a comment

You don’t understand loneliness until you’ve exhausted someone who was nearly in love with you to the point of abandonment..

Arch my angels

White light..Late night…

Stepson…

I’M NOT

Snowdrop Cliff

My love may melt the snow here

“The snow is the cliff, my dear”

I have loved and lost a life here

“The life was never yours to lose, my dear”

I have come to leave my life here

“Don’t leave yourself because everyone else does, my dear”

Death and other angels

All weep in this spot

Edge of the cliff?

Worn and strained love

Love

Love…

(FLORENCE)

I’M NOT

Snowdrop Cliff

My snow may melt the love here

“You’re part of what you fear, my dear”

I have lost the life I loved here

“You’re looking in the wrong places, my dear”

I have left to come to life here

“Remember everything you’ve learned so far, my dear”

(Don’t mind if we never go)

(Never go home)

Fall into cloud

Sunder into shroud

Fall into The Grey

The snow city is so far away

(FLORENCE)

I’M NOT

LIAR

Fall into cloud

I’M NOT

Sunder into shroud

I’M NOT

Fall into The Grey

I’M NOT COMING BACK

The snow city is so far away

“I’M NOT COMING BACK FOR YOU”

…

The worst thing about leaving is nobody looking for you

Never let me go

It’s time to dye this snow red. Pour us into this cliff where our essence is strongest anyways. I’m here to empty you out of me. I’m here to empty us out of me.

All of the lies. When you said you would stop lying. You tried to, I know that.

You can’t force love.

“Can I disentangle us?” I wrote. You certainly weren’t there to. The fights we had, you’d vanish, gone, for days on end. You didn’t seem to care.

The breakups where you always expressed a desire to stay broken up. And I pushed for us.

I can’t force love.

The names you called me. The way you acted when you got drunk. “I’m sorry. I was flirting with him.” The promises you broke.

I trusted you with a bonding promise. I implored you to never break a promise while my hand held yours.

You broke them.

The memories. I helped you change environments – workspace, friends. I kept you alert, on your toes. I helped you tell your father you loved him on new years eve.

The standalone pieces of my heart, my heart, that I thought I’d found when I found you

I broke them.

Count yourself lucky that you aren’t stuck remembering all of the light times. I count you lucky that you get to act a fool and a victim after everything you’ve done to me.

I have never been easy, nor have I been clean, but I have and always will be a sacrificial, loyal and healing spirit. You, the only person to ever say different, cannot take that from me.

Snowdrop Cliff, I know who I am, I know where I stand.

I will never write about you again.

February Snow

February 11, 2018 Leo Diarmuid GreyLeave a comment

It’s been cold,

January snow

Ironic that for our favourite weather,

We are alone

I think of your cheeks,

Hot pink, burned from frost

Like settled ladybugs,

Lovewords that I have lost

You’re good at keeping warm,

And all I know is surviving through Winter

But you’re not safe where you are now,

And I’ll be dead before Easter

…

It’s still so cold,

February snow

Time not spent together,

Away from home

I think of your smile

Do you remember a time?

Anything at all?

Lovebirds that cannot chime

May your face wrinkle,

From the laughter someone gives you

May your hands find,

Someone to pull closer at night

May your hugs comfort,

As from Pooh

May your lifeline seek,

A succesful rhyme

…

I am so cold,

February snow

This snowdrop cliff

Never let me go

People Just Untie Themselves

January 30, 2018February 22, 2018 Leo Diarmuid GreyLeave a comment

Lights all lost, this snowdrop cliff,

Heroes gone, awake in the rain,

I have been abandoned, yet again

City below, forgotten feeling of love,

Cathedral where I cannot breathe,

Not safe enough to sleep

Fallen once, fallen twice,

Given up, I’ve Given in,

I should never (have) let you in

Wind, I need you to howl right now

I need to know, I need to hear

I can’t hear with him still in my ear

Just rush at me,

Push me out, knock me in, move me

Pass right through me

I am haunted by happiness

I can never let go of the past

Too much punishment, too fast

Always to be beaten dry,

Always on the end of a fist,

There is no saving me from this

Fallen once, Fallen twice

Given up, I’ve given in

You never (even) wanted in

Wind, I need you to howl right now

I need to know, I need to hear

I can’t hear with him still in my ear

Just rush at me,

Push me out, knock me in, move me

Pass right through me

You said you’d find me if I disappeared

Where am I? Where am I? Where am I?

I told you,

I deserve all the pain I’ve suffered

But I know he lied

I know he changed our position

I know now to always trust intuition

But I can’t help (but) listen

I can’t help it, I miss him

I need you,

Wind? I need you

Assail

December 14, 2017 Leo Diarmuid GreyLeave a comment

,so I cradled my broken arm and ran as fast as I could using my shoulders. I could hear those dreadful footsteps slobbering behind me, tripping in hunger and desperation. The sound brought cold tears to my eyes. The insides of my cheeks famished and swelled from the constant, burning hyper-breathing.

I could not decipher which way to go, how to get away. So I just carried on, jarring myself against the thick parallel concrete walls that surrounded me. I prayed for relief.

I suddenly snagged on a creeping root and my entire body weight landed on my arm. With a terrible snack, and a pain that felt like someone had placed my arm on kerb and then jumped on it, came a horrifying, wet moan from just behind me. I scrambled to my feet and continued my agonising run. Every step I took stabbed me, and I could feel a juggle inside as my completely shattered bones shook from movement. I could hear those awful steps plummeting…

Closing in… Hot breath on my neck… I took the next left sprinting so hard that I sprung into the adjacent wall. This time my arm let out a falling-tree creak, but I didn’t have time to notice the blood that then started spitting. The impact surprised the thing and it hurtled forwards, being slapped by that long enclosure that kept us both trapped here. It gave me seconds.

But then it got faster.

I heaved everywhere, my life was just ache, my arm bleeding heavily through my white fleece. My legs fidgeted on each step I took. I was giving in. The thing had me. I was hopeless, my pace slowing, each turn and each shoulder against the wall knocking more from me than the last..

With pride, I snapped around, ready for a defeated dog fight. I was already dead.

But then it all glistened away in grey fog. The stone walls burning softly, their new state of matter drifting up slowly, in circles and bending lines. I watched, gently holding my broken arm as the sky formed into grey, and the walls came loose, and I could nearly see the shape of the maze I had bashed through now broke in suspension. Light as air it left me. With my broken arm I stretched, painfully, stained with blood on my clothes and my beaten hand that poked from the darkened sleeve, and felt the mist that rose from the wall beside me. It felt…slender on my damaged body. Healing almost, like deer tears roaming along the pain.

I turned to meet my chaser and found it lying in a massy mass. It was limp and fallen, just letting itself cloud. Its thick blackness eroded into grey too, it lightened as it flew.

The effervescence felt like home.

And then I realised, my devastated hand was dissipating too